Diamond Dogs (2007)
More Zircon that Diamond
For those who wondered what a mainstream action and adventure movie would be like with Dolph Lundgren in it then just watch "Diamond Dogs". Here we basically have "Indiana Jones" crossed with "The Mummy" as Lundgren plays a former Green Beret living in Mongolia and earning money in illegal fights finding himself hired to lead an exploration for an ancient relic. Unfortunately whilst the storyline shares some similarities with those big budget adventure movies the end result is distinctly lack lustre, in fact "Diamond Dogs" is one of the dullest movies I have ever watched. From the characters through to the action as well as the drama it is devoid of excitement and becomes a struggle to watch after the opening scenes which are the closest it comes to exciting.
Having been hauled in front of a judge after being caught in an illegal back street fight Xander Ronson (Dolph Lundgren) is given 4 weeks to clear his debts or go to jail. Fortunately he is approached by the effeminate Mr. Chambers (William Shriver) who is willing to pay Ronson enough too clear his debts if he will lead an expedition into the Mongolian hills to find an ancient relic. With a chance of avoiding jail Ronson agrees but is also approached by a wealthy Russian who also wants the relic and is willing to pay him double. As they start their expedition into the hills Ronson along with Chambers and the attractive Anika (Nan Yu) find themselves under attack but is it the Russians or is it an ancient curse.
Right from the word go you know that "Diamond Dogs" is not going to be the action movie you expect from Dolph Lundgren as it has a more washed out tone. We may get the best action scenes in the movie as we watch a ripped Ronson in an illegal fight but it hasn't got that cocky, direct to DVD style, almost trying to be artsy by being less full on. Unfortunately from then on in it goes down hill incredibly quickly and whilst we get the story of the expedition it never once reaches anything close to being exciting.
So what is wrong with "Diamond Dogs"? Well firstly the acting and there is a lot of poor acting in the movie but the stand out stinker is William Shriver's performance as Chambers. Not only does Shriver over do the effeminate side of the character but he over does it so much that he isn't amusing just plainly annoying. Ironically Lundgren actually delivers a good performance as Ronson and is the only one who gets close to delivering any sort of character, handling what action he has nicely but also the comedy.
But the acting is not the only problem because "Diamond Dogs" is simply dull. We may have this action, adventure style story but there is very little of either in the movie. It all seems extremely basic and lacks flare, you almost wonder if they were going for realism rather than excitement but then there are too many bits which are intentional fake. In truth as I write this I honestly don't know what the actual idea of the movie was because it is so mixed up delivering part realism, part typical action, party artsy and it just doesn't come together with the only feeling is that one of being low budget.
What this all boils down to is that "Diamond Dogs" was a dull movie lacking everything you expect from a Dolph Lundgren or an action, adventure movie. Yet ironically Dolph Lundgren is the best thing about the movie.
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