Fitness supplement entrepreneur Blake (Hulk Hogan - Rocky III) is out having fun with a paintball gun shooting at the cops chasing him for speeding. In order to avoid capture he ducks into a mall and puts on a Santa costume but when he comes to after receiving a bump to his head he is told by petty criminal Lenny (Don Stark) that he really is Santa. But not only does Blake end up foiling two thieves trying to steal charity money from the mall but he ends up heading to the town's orphanage as he gets a feeling they need his help. And the orphanage certainly need something as local businessman Mr. Frost (Ed Begley Jr.) is forcing businessmen to sell up and he has set his sights on getting the orphanage.
I had never heard of "Santa with Muscles" before watching it but I did learn that it starred Hulk Hogan and having experienced other Hulk Hogan movies my expectations were low. But it seems my expectations were not low enough because "Santa with Muscles" turns out to be one of the worst Christmas movies I have watchedand I am not talking entertainingly bad because this is simply terrible, a real Christmas turkey.
Now in fairness we are talking a children's movie and as such this means we are talking goofy entertainment where storyline, characters and pretty much everything else isn't important but being stupidly funny is. Now maybe if I was 5 or 6 I might find Hulk Hogan in a sleeveless Santa costume with black, studded gloves amusing especially when he beats up evil henchmen in the corniest of ways but in all honesty I am not sure that I would. In fact I'm not sure that I would find any of "Santa with Muscles" entertaining as a 5 year old because it isn't really stupidly funny which it is trying to be.
So can I give you any reason to give up 97 minutes of your time to watch "Santa with Muscles". Well if you are a die hard fan of Hulk Hogan there is always the fact he spends most of his time in a sleeveless Santa costume wearing the worst looking red tights ever and even worse black gloves. But there is also the fact that "Santa with Muscles" features a young Mila Kunis as Sarah who is behind the customizing of Santa's outfit. And for fans of "2 Broke Girls" there is also Garrett Morris who looks and acts pretty much as he does now.
What this all boils down to is that "Santa with Muscles" is simply terrible and is one of the worst Christmas movies I have had the misfortune to watch.
Tags: Christmas Movies