Laurie Does Dallas
I've watched all the "Halloween" movies and it would be fair to say the original franchise was a rollercoaster ride switching back and forth between good movies and bad. Then Rob Zombie came along and did the unthinkable, he remade John Carpenter's original "Halloween" giving it a modern update and some variances which whilst not as good as the original Zombie's "Halloween" wasn't the train crash I expected. So when Zombie decided to make a modern "Halloween II" I was fooled into thinking that maybe another modern update wouldn't be atrocious, I was wrong and it is. Zombie's "Halloween II" is the worst out of all the "Halloween" movies and in truth I don't think it deserves the name because it is such a generic, violent yet dull slasher movie that other than continuing the story of Laurie does not feel like a "Halloween" movie.
In fairness to those who are yet to see Zombie's "Halloween II" I have to say this review will contain spoilers, spoilers which are mentioned in many other movie reviews and my suggestion is that if you want to judge "Halloween II" fairly do so by reading no more reviews.
Okay so when "Halloween II" started I was duped into thinking that Zombie who wrote and directed the movie was going to re-imagine the original especially as this one, after a pretty irrelevant flashback to 15 years earlier, took us to the hospital like the original "Halloween II" did. But in what can only be described as a Dallas shower moment the first 20 minutes of violence is all a dream. Yes I did say that it was a 20 minute dream and whilst I can appreciate what Rob Zombie was trying to do by not only paying homage to the original but toying with the audience I can only say it sucked and the movie would have been so much better with out these twenty minutes of nonsense.
So then the movie really starts and it is a year after the brutality of Michael's attack, his body was never found, those injured but survived are left scarred, Laurie is living with the Brackett's and Dr. Loomis has turned into a profiteering, self publicizing writer with a book all about Michael. That sounds pretty much like we have a "Halloween" movie except for most of the movie nothing of interest happens other than Laurie has the occasional nightmare about Michael and discovers something about her past which shocks her. Michael, well he ended up in an isolated barn where he has grown into a violent mountain man style creature and has visions of his dead mother who talks to him. Yes this is all getting far fetched and dull with Michael occasionally violently butchering someone being the only thing which gives the movie any drama.
I could go on but there is so much which is bad about Zombie's "Halloween II" which I wonder whether he was forced to rush the movie or maybe he had a secret desire to kill the franchise and make a movie so bad that no one would want to make "Halloween III". I say that because what Zombie did with his version of "Halloween" wasn't that bad, more violent than frightening but was interesting yet here the whole movie other than using the character names seems to depart from anything which was identifiable with the movies. Things such as seeing Michael's face is just wrong and as for the classic, haunting "Halloween" music, well it only shows up in the final seconds. So as I said, I don't know whether Zombie never got to make the movie he intended or whether he purposely went out to kill Michael Myers once and for all.
What this all boils down to is that Rob Zombie's "Halloween II" was a complete and utter failure for me and despite some of the original movies being poor this one surpasses the lot. Maybe those who just want violence will enjoy it but for fans of the "Halloween" movies it is simply disappointing with only the production level stopping it from being an utter turkey.
