G.I. Joe: The Fall to the Derivative
Whilst Cobra Commander (Luke Bracey) is now locked away in a super secure facility deep inside an old German mine his second in command Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) is still on a mission and has infiltrated the Whitehouse where the real President (Jonathan Pryce) has been taken hostage and thanks to nano technology Zartan is fooling everyone to think he is the President. It leads to bad news for the G.I. Joes who under the command of Duke (Channing Tatum) are sent to their death in the middle of nowhere. But a volley of fire can't kill them all and a small group of Joes survive who under the leadership of Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson) and with the help of General Joe Colton (Bruce Willis) will stop at nothing to restore order.
There are movies which I watch which make me want to be a teen again so that I can enjoy them with the enthusiastic mind of a teenage boy who loved big action and heroes with big muscles. Ironically at the same time there are movies which I watch which make me glad I am no longer a teen because even as a teenage, action loving version of myself I would have been bored. Which one is "G.I. Joe: Retaliation", the Dwayne Johnson lead sequel to "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra"? Well it is the latter as whilst undoubtedly a popcorn movie for the young and the masses, "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" left me bored.
Now as I said "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" is a popcorn movie for the young and the masses who will enjoy seeing Dwayne Johnson and his muscles almost rip out of every shirt he squeezes into. They will also enjoy the scene after scene of special effects from big explosions to little firefly style bombs. They might also enjoy all the buddy style humour which is in there but probably enjoy more all the action from people leaping from up high, swinging around mountains on the longest ropes ever or doing combat with swords and throwing stars.
But alternatively if none of that appeals to you what you get in "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" is Dwayne Johnson trying to carry a movie on his own but is lacking anyone to really buddy up with leading to more jokes failing than working. There is also a reliance on special effects to make the impossible seem possible but takes it way to far and takes the Joes from an elite force into an elite farce by what they can do, the scene with the incredibly long ropes being just one of them. And then there are the martial arts style action and the parkour leaping around which if you watch carefully you will realise that there is a cut almost every second which spoils it completely.
What this all boils down to is that whilst "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" probably entertains a young action fan base who might even still play with their G.I. Joe toys it offers little other than special effects and lots of edits for grown ups which makes it feel just a derivative action movie which pays little attention to story.