Not being Catty but it's less than purr-fect
Time to accessorize! - Catwoman
Now I don't claim to be a comic book aficionado, in fact I probably know less about comic book creations than most film fans. And as such I know next to nothing about the creation which is Catwoman except Michelle Pfeiffer got my blood racing when she donned a leather outfit to play the character in "Batman Returns". But even with my admitted comic book ignorance I can spot the flaws which end up causing "Catwoman" the 2004 movie version to end up a complete mess. From cliche's through to corny dialogue and a fascination with Halle Berry's shapely figure "Catwoman" is a comic book movie which is at the opposite end of being purr-fect.
Patience Phillips (Halle Berry - Swordfish) works as a graphic designer for Hedare Beauty that is until she over hears that there latest product has some very dangerous side effects and in order to silence her she is murdered, flushed out of a waste pipe and presumed drowned in the murky waters below. But Patience is rescued by a cat who breathes life back into her, giving her cat like senses and turning her into Catwoman. Set on getting revenge for being left for dead Catwoman sets about taking on those who tried to kill her but her friendship with detective Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt - Demolition Man) makes things especially messy.
It's hard to know where to start when it comes to "Catwoman" as I find myself struggling to find anything worthy of praise. The storyline itself is as standard as they come and lacks any excitement, mystery or drama which you kind of feel should be at least the basis. Instead it just feels like it's running through a series of ideas cherry picked from other movies making it feel completely unoriginal. And it's messy as hell because we go from the introduction to Patience Phillips aka Catwoman through to the evil beauty product company and the wife of the CEO who seems to be hell bent on getting a dangerous product out. Don't worry I've not let anything slip because it's so blinking obvious that there are no surprises.
In fact that is one thing you can say about "Catwoman" it's obvious and that makes it a movie which is better not thought about. I hate ripping into a movie but the storyline is pointless and from the whole dodgy beauty products through to the cat and mouse games between Catwoman and detective Tom Lone end up as background noise as director Pitof is more intent on filling the movie up with Halle Berry's sexy body, yes it's sexy but it doesn't make a movie, or not this sort of movie.
This lack of storyline, or one which is of importance, is not helped by Pitof's directional styles. What we get are sun drenched, orchestrated shots which look utterly false and then action scenes which would send an epileptic into a fit with his constant snappy editing which means we get a second of footage followed by a cut, the another second and a cut and on and on. It just makes "Catwoman" look seriously messy and spoils any chance of the action actually being exciting.
What this ultimately means, a pointless storyline and annoying styling, is that "Catwoman" is a movie which focuses on Halle Berry, not her character of either Patience Phillips or Catwoman but Halle Berry. What we get is scene after scene which focuses on Berry's stunning features or equally stunning body but failing to give us a character. All of which I am sure explains why Berry's actual performance borders on the camp as it seems she's been told to act as over top sexy as possible.
And as Halle Berry is the central attraction in "Catwoman" the rest of the cast are plainly overlooked. Benjamin Bratt as love interest Tom Lone is probably the most cheesy detective I have ever seen and Sharon Stone seems to be channelling Cruella de Ville as Laurel Hedare and that is not a compliment.
If all of this isn't bad enough the most memorable thing about "Catwoman" is the various cheesy scenes and dialogue. The one on one basketball game is just ridiculous and not erotic as I am sure the intention was and the disco scene which sees Catwoman clearing the dance floor with a whip after asking for a cocktail with no vodka, ice and whatever else is corny as hell.
It gets to a point that I even wondered if "Catwoman" was meant to be a comic book spoof as it is so off the pace of other comic book movies that I just can't believe it was made as a serious movie.
What this all boils down to is that "Catwoman" is one of those rare movies which has stars, has special effects, has had money lavished on it but is in the same league as some low budget movies for being bad. There is nothing to praise in it and even though I find Halle Berry as sexy as hell a whole movie which revolves around her sexy curves just doesn't cut the mustard.
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